Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Erin's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Friday, May 31st, 2002
10:33 am	so bored. Appearance [01] Hair: Brownish, I suppose...with lots of blonde and red highlights....its almost all natural once again [02] Eyes: brown, with a slight tinge of green from time to time [03] Height: 5'5ish [04] Figure: barbie doll-esque [01] Clothing: Casual, trendy, pretty boring if you ask me [02] Music: anything with good lyrics or good music (otherwise almost everything) [03] Make-Up: most of the time, but sometimes i get lazy [04] Body Art: im getting a tattoo on my lower back this summer, and ive got a few piercings, nothing drastic though Right Now [01] Wearing: Jeans and a shirt from my Swim Conference meet [02] Thinking Of: tonight, how much I despise school, Kevin...:smiles: :) Last Thing You ... [01] Bought: food from the vending machine at work last night [02] Ate and Drank: water and sourdough pretzels from the vending machine [03] Read: ...And Then You Die by Iris Johansen [04] Watched on TV: probably the hockey game Wednesday night Who do you want to ... ? [01] Kill: What kind of a sicko do you think I am? [02] Hear From: Probably Greg, its been quite a while now [03] Get Wasted With: Bree, just because that sight would be humorous [04] Tickle: Kevin :) [05] Look Like: I dont like looking like anyone else, i want to look like me. [06] Avoid: My dad Who was the last person you ... ? [01] Touched: Kevin [02] Talked to: Jason Sydor [03] Hugged: Kevin [04] Instant Messaged: Steve [05] Kissed: Kevin Where do you ... ? [01] Eat: Wherever is convienant [02] Dance: anywhere i can be alone [03] Cry: in my car [04] Wish you Were: at the beach Have you ever ... ? [01] Dated a Best Friend: yes [02] Loved Someone: yes [03] Done Drugs: i suppose [04] Broken the Law: not really, just the minor stuff [05] Ran Away from Home: not for more than an day [06] Broken a Bone: no [07] Cheated on a Test: yeah [08] Skinny Dipped: do showers count? [09] Played Truth or Dare: yup [10] Flashed Someone: yup [11] Mooned Someone: no [12] Kissed Someone: yes [13] Been on TV: not national [14] Been in a Fight: not a physical one [15] Ridden in a Fire Truck: nope [16] Been on a Plane: never [17] Come Close to Dying: i was born really really premature, but not since then [18] Cheated on your Boyfriend/Girlfriend: nope, but ive been the cheatee [19] Eaten a Worm: probably...i was a very strange child [20] Swam in the Ocean: only once What is ... ? [01] The Worst CD you Own: Billy Gilman :) [02] Your Bedroom Like: messy...very messy...blue, lots of pictures and memories [03] Favorite Thing for Breakfast: has browns and toast [04] Favorite Thing for Lunch: subway! [05] Favorite Thing for Dinner: anything with pasta Are you ... ? [01] A Vegetarian: not really, but I dont eat much meat [02] A Good Student: haha, until this year [03] Good at Sports: not exceptional, but i can hold my own [04] A Good Singer: im not bad, butu i dont let people hear me [05] A Good Actor/Actress: no way [06] A Deep Sleeper: not really [07] A Good Dancer: eh, im just a crazy dancer [08] Shy: around people i dont know [09] Outgoing: around my close friends [10] A Good Storyteller: i like telling them, but i dont think they're any good. Gotta love composition class. School is the biggest waste of time that ive ever encountered. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 11th, 2002
9:20 pm	Well then Today was an breakthrough, or maybe just more of a a breakdown. Either way, I don't think it was a good thing. Usually, when I make realizations about myself, it is a step in the right direction, but this time I think I'm officially stuck. I am so burned out. I have to take everything on, and I have to take everything on at full speed, and when I can't handle it all, I burn out. Thats pretty much the predicament that I'm faced with now. My classes are too hard. I work too much. I don't take good care of my body or my mind. My homelife is falling apart. Im sinking back into isolation, and this time, I don't think I can pull myself out of it. Its like I feel obligated to be involved with the most challanging and most complex things, but once i get involved, i get lazy, and give up on it. Or maybe I just take on too many complex things at once. That makes more sense. Like, I could handle my classes, if I came home and did 2 hours of homework a night, but instead of doing that, I go to work for 6 hours, then work out for 2 hours, then get home at 10:30, and I fall asleep. Or, on the flipside, I decide to let my schoolwork take a priority for a bit, and I call in sick, and I endanger my jobs. I could handle my jobs, if i took easier classes, and I didn't have other things I needed to do. So, to be general, I take on too much thats all over my head, but I'm too stubburn to quit. So I make myself miserable. I make myself sick, and I make excuses for myself. For the past 3 years, I have managed to juggle everything, but now, all of the balls are coming down on my head. I need to take a break from life, but It won't let me. Ah, this is some mess Ive gotten myself into this time. I wonder how i'll manage to get out this time. Maybe I won't. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 10th, 2002
6:36 am	Well Then... I am Save me You really are miserable right now. You seem to believe that the world owes you it's time and it's patience, you think you're crying out for help but seriously, the only thing you are crying out for is attention. You may believe that love conquers all but you never seem to get tired of lamenting when it doesn't. You aren't a strong person in the slightest, you need to go out and get some backbone. Stop annoying everybody with your attention getting ploys and then they might have time for your real troubles. What Queen song are you? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
1:36 pm	kinda freaky.... Which Winona Are You? (Comment on this)
Monday, February 25th, 2002
9:46 pm	hm... I'm Rogue What X-Men Character are You? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
11:54 pm	Mellow Yellow YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Stvlive.com! (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 10th, 2002
9:53 pm	Mending Broken Wings It's days like these that make me realize that life is a blessing. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, no exciting news, and no big plans, but for some reason, today just felt right. If every day could be like this, I could actually see myself being content. I just wish I could find the key that makes today so different than all the others. Someday, I will have it. My only complaint is that I'm lonely. Listening to all of my friends talk about their plans for Valentines Day with their boyfriend/girlfriend makes me wish that I had someone to cuddle with. Granted, Im glad that I am not in a long-term, super-serious relationship, but I just need someone to be with at this point. I suppose thats just the codependant side of me talking. I'll survive, eventually love will find me, probably when i'm least expecting it. Just one more thing to look foreward to. Current Mood: content Current Music: Michelle Branch-All You Wanted (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 20th, 2002
11:41 am	You are ... Jessica Lovejoy <a This is so me :) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
10:50 pm	This is the only time ive ever felt afraid. I worry about little things every day that have no effect on anything whatsoever, but this is the first time ive ever been genuinely worried about myself. The more I think, the more I worry, and the more I worry, the more I think. I am afraid. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
1:38 am	Random Thoughts I don't want to write in here anymore. I don't want to confide in anyone, I don't want anyones help, and more than anything, I don't want anyone's sympathy. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make me happy, and I'm sorry. Everything that is wrong in my head are things I need to work out on my own, and there is nothing more to be said. Its all in my heart and my attitude, yet after 3 years of miserable existance, my brain is still too stubburn to change. Drinking is bad. I think I'm allergic. I need to make a few decisions now I suppose. I can push everyone away and deal on my own, I can keep coming to others for help and disappoinging myself and them, or I can just give up where I stand. I'm still contemplating that one. I'd like to be able to say that I still have hope, but I'm just not sure. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 30th, 2001
2:35 am	Silent Pleas Screaming in my head...I need to ask for help, but I can't. I don't know how. Instead, I'll just push everyone away. It may not fix the problem, but I can pretend that it doesn't exist. No other options are left. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 28th, 2001
9:28 pm	<td> You're an absolute pansy, a heel. You're going to end up the whipping boy of any person who recognizes you for the fawning shmuck you are. It's hard for even you to tell if you're truly happy, because you leech off other people's wants and emotions. Tough nut, innit? </td> (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 27th, 2001
8:54 pm	What Kind Of Pokemon Are You? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
11:58 am	wow i like these quizzes too much :) You're Jewel! The Poetic Sweetheart (Comment on this)
11:56 am	Take the "What kind of Squirrel am I Test!" (Comment on this)
11:54 am	<td></td><td width="400"> You're all about romantic love, and you would do anything for your man. You will be successful in your life and relationships as long as you can keep a handle on your oral fixations. 37!! That's just too much! Take The "Which Kevin Smith Female Are You?" Quiz!!</td> (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
8:13 pm	I am Mr Do. I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You? (Comment on this)
8:10 pm	this is not accurate at all, but oh well :) p> Click here to take the quiz!</p> (Comment on this)
Monday, December 24th, 2001
1:34 am	Escape It's funny. There is no reason for me to be unhappy or depressed or upset about anything at all in my life, yet I cannot find a single thought to keep my mind from unsettling thoughts. Tonight a bunch of people came over, and it dawned on me how grateful I should be, and how unfair it is of me when I spend my nights crying over how unhappy I am. I have an incredible family whom I love more than anything, I have lots of caring friends who have always been there for me, I am smart, I am relatively good looking, I live in a big house with a really nice basemen (at least thats what Brad and Steve have to say about it) There is no reason for me to be unhappy. I find sheer despair in the least likely of places. I am petty. I am selfish for only seeing what I don't have, and never realizing what I take for granted. There is ultimately no point in my existance, I have no real purpose. (Steve, you hit the nail right on the head) I could run away, but it wouldn't fix anything. I could try to deal with my problems, and work through all the demons in my head, but God knows I don't have the strength for that at this point. So instead of running away, and instead of solving this mess, I find temporary ways of half-living. I avoid confrontation, I push people away. I keep myself awake at night thinking about life and how much I dislike it, but I sleep all day long so I don't have to deal with the problems. I am a walking contradiction. I know I could never hurt myself intentionally, I am too paranoid and worrysome for that, but I often find myself wishing that I could escape. There is no escape. (Comment on this)
1:16 am	Once Betrayed Underneath the veil there lies A somber face waiting in the wings With trembling lips and and dreary eyes All that has come has passed with pain No heart has left this heart unscathed No truth has ever seen the light The waters ran their courses free And left my soul to weep alone (Comment on this)